Sunday, June 05, 2005

Casting doubt... reeling in confidence

Out of the blue this morning I was greeted with an e-mail from someone who I don't know who said he saw me lose to a white belt at my last shiai and told me that I don't deserve to wear a brown belt and that I should give up judo, or start again from scratch. I politely told this person (who sent this message anonymously) that I would be more than glad to come to his dojo for some instruction from him (her?), as I am open to learning from everyone. I eagerly await his reply.

Even though I know in my mind that this person admittedly only saw me play in one match (forget about multiple matches in a shiai), and has know idea of how I really play Judo, he still put the monster of doubt in my head.

I wondered aloud if he was right. I decided to ignore him and let my technique tell me the truth. Today in Randori I landed to amazing throws - one Ippon-worthy Uchimata and one wazari-ish Sasae Tsurikomi Ashi. Okay, maybe it is no big deal that I did this - after all, I have landed hundreds of throws in Randori and been thrown with hundreds more - so why are these special? Because these two throws were two throws that I had extreme difficulty with even 3 or 4 months ago. While one can say that this was a fluke, it is also safe to say that I have improved to the point where my technique shown through and I was able to execute them.

I am now so much more confident than I was after reading those e-mails. I still look forward to a reply from the sender inviting me to his dojo for a workout. If he/she does, I will be glad to be humbled by his or her experience, and who knows, maybe I will surprise them to show that I am worthy of my Brown belt after all.

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